Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
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