i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Less talking, more tequila
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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