Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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