we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
