just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
