Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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