She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize
