I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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