Only a mothe r could love this liver
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
