Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Randomize
