I'm gonna have a badass scar
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
