you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
