I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
