We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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