The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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