sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
