the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
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