I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I just want nice things and good sex
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
