You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
