Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
You made out with two different species that night
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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