Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
