When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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