things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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