census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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