ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Randomize
