Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
