I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
