I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Randomize
