I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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