11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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