Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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