I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Randomize
