i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
