She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
