i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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