She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
