Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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