What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Randomize
