I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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