Got a toothbrush?
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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