He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
