So gin and wine won't be happening again
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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