every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
So vagazzling was a success
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
