If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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