So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
