I bet he comes in French.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
