look no pants
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
