tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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