My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
