Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I think I won the penis lottery.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
