dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
