He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
