i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
