her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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