i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I just want to make out with him forever
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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