why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize
