there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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