i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
