the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
