As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
