pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
