Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize