Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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