I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
ugly people sure do ruin things
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
