Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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