My nipple is on Facebook.
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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