Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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